Fighting for a Second Chance (Fighting #1) Page 8

  He gives me that damn wink and walks away into the bathroom that is attached to the room.

  A few minutes later he comes back with a small wet washcloth and wipes between my legs to clean me up. I can feel myself blush at this action because for some reason this feels even more intimate than what we just did.

  “C’mon baby, don’t get shy on me now.”

  I smile at him and then get up to go use the bathroom. I grab hold of my panties and put them back on while I go pee. I flush the toilet and wash my hands. Looking in the mirror I see my reflection. My face is flushed, my hair is a mess, and my eyeliner is smudged but I can honestly say I can’t remember the last time I looked and felt this content and satisfied and… taken care of. I know what, or I should say who it is that caused this look and this feeling in me; Cooper. He invokes these feelings inside of me that nobody else ever has.

  I just want to cuddle up in his arms and never lose these feelings. Now I just have to pray when I tell him about Bella he won’t run the other way.

  I walk out of the room slowly, not sure of what’s to come to find him sitting on the end of the bed dressed again. I take a second to watch him and I notice his head is in his hands and he is slumped over. Did I do something wrong? Does he regret this?

  He must sense my presence because he looks up and tries to play it off by smiling way too big but it’s too late because I already saw. I wait for him to explain and when he doesn’t I go over and sit down next to him. I want so badly to put my arms around him or take his hand but I have no idea where his head is at so I sit close but refrain from touching him.

  I swallow the thick lump in my throat and summon up the courage to ask what I am thinking. “Cooper, did I do something wrong? I-I mean, do you regret what we just did?”

  His head flies up to face me and his expression softens. “Baby girl, why would you even think that? Of course you didn’t do anything wrong. I could never regret being with you. It was perfect. You are perfect.”

  I hear the words he is saying but the thickness of his voice tells me something is wrong regardless of him trying to convince me otherwise. Now my mind is running all over the place. Does he have a girlfriend? Did he just cheat on her? Oh, God. Am I a home wrecker?

  I decide to go against my initial instincts and take his hand and put it into mine. I need to touch him in some way. He looks at our joined hands and gives me a small smile.

  “Liz, there’s something…”

  “Cooper, I need to…”

  We both laugh but I can feel the uneasiness between us. It’s like a wall is being put up and I can’t get over fast enough to get to his side.

  “You go first.” He is clearly upset and I think I will explode if I don’t find out why he has done a complete one-eighty.

  He sucks in a deep breath and releases it with a sigh. This can’t be good. I feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest while I wait impatiently for him to speak.

  “Liz, when we met five years ago I wasn’t looking for love. As you can see now, I am a fighter. It is my entire world. I told you a little bit about my dad during our time together but there’s so much more to it. I won’t get into all that but what you need to understand is I can’t give you what you deserve.”

  My hands begin to shake and the lump in my throat is back. I can see where this is going and it’s clear we are not on the same page at all. Even if he doesn’t want me all I can hope for is he will at least want our daughter. I hope he doesn’t think I was trying to trap him. What if he doesn’t want her? How will I tell her, her father doesn’t want her? I need to calm down. I am getting ahead of myself. He hasn’t said anything yet.

  “I never thought in a million years I would ever see you again. The connection we shared in Miami ruined me, baby girl. You ruined me. If I was looking for love I am pretty damn sure you would be it. No, I am sure you would be it. You are beautiful, and sweet, and so damn innocent. How you are still single is crazy. Some guy is going to figure out how amazing you are one day, and when he does, he will grab ahold of you and never let go. The problem is I’m not looking for love and I’m not the guy for you. I don’t do commitment and I am not husband or father material. I don’t plan to ever be in a relationship where the girl requires either of those roles from me.”

  The whole time he is saying all this, his head is down like he is ashamed of himself and he can’t look me in my eyes. Finally he looks up and gives me the saddest smile I have ever witnessed, and my heart plummets to the pit of my stomach and I feel as if I am having a mini heart attack. He doesn’t stop there though so I just try to remain calm to hear him out.

  “When we hooked up in Miami we both knew it was a one time thing, but then when I saw you tonight at the fight my head started to spin. I never thought about what I would do if I saw you again. I reacted without thinking. What we did tonight was wrong. The fact is you deserve the entire world. You deserve the husband and kids and white picket fence and the happily fucking ever after, and I can’t give you any of that. I never should have touched you knowing I have no intention of being with you in any way but physical.”

  “Why can’t you?” That’s the only thing that comes out of my mouth in response to what he just said. Is it that he doesn’t want any of that or is there something stopping him from being able to have it all?

  He let’s out long sigh and says the words I was praying he wouldn’t say. “I don’t want any of that.”

  I can feel a panic attack coming on. I can feel my heart breaking. I can feel the air leaving my lungs, and it’s hard to breathe. I need to get out of here before he sees me lose it.

  He doesn’t want it.

  He doesn’t want me.

  He doesn’t want our little girl.

  He doesn’t want to be a part of our lives.

  I get up slowly from the bed and will my body to hold in the tears that I can feel forming. “I understand.”

  As I head out of the door I pray he doesn’t try to stop me because I don’t think I can hold my emotions in much longer.

  I out door and hear him call my name but I don’t stop. I can’t stop. I don’t know how I read this all wrong. I am definitely no expert in the love department but I was way off. We aren’t just on different pages; hell we aren’t even reading the same book! I don’t even think we are browsing the same genre at this point. It’s like I am in fantasy and he’s in non-fiction.

  I walk quickly through the house looking for Kayla. I need her and I need to get out of here now. I need to go pick up my daughter and hold her.

  I find Kayla standing outside with Bentley by the bonfire. She is laughing and touching his chest while he rubs his hand up and down her arm. Are they on the same page? They are both smiling and laughing but apparently that doesn’t mean anything because Cooper and I were laughing and smiling and now my heart is breaking. At least he was honest with me and didn’t lead me on. The truth is I’m not even mad, I’m just sad. I really just need to get out of here. Just a few more minutes I think to myself. I just need to hold it together for a few more minutes and then I can let go.

  Bentley spots me coming over and nods my way. Kayla looks behind her and I know she can see the pained look in my face because she drops her hand from Bentley and runs over to me.

  “What the hell happened, Liz? What did he do to you?”

  “I can’t talk about this here. Please. I need to leave. If you want to stay it’s fine. I don’t want to ruin your…”

  Kayla doesn’t even let me finish the sentence before she cuts me off. “Stop! Stop it right now. You know damn well I have your back and there is no way I would ever stay at this party or anywhere else for that matter when you need me. Let’s go.”

  She takes me by the hand and pulls me along side of her to the car in silence.

  As we are walking down the driveway I hear Cooper scream my name once again. I attempt to run but he is catching up to me too quickly. I get to the car and turn around to see him right in front of me.
I can’t say anything. I am choking back the tears and if I say a single word I know the tears are going to release.

  Cooper looks at me like I am the one who just broke his heart as he lifts his hand up to my face to touch it. It is then I feel it. The wetness he is wiping off my cheek. Damn traitor tears. He wipes one on the other cheek away and chokes out an “I’m sorry.” No sooner are the words out of his mouth his back is turned to me as he walks away.

  I want to scream at him. I want to run up behind him and pound on his back. I want him to take back every word he said to me in the last ten minutes. I can handle him not wanting me. I can handle not having him. Yes, it hurts but I can handle it. I am strong and I know I can make it through anything; but the fact that he doesn’t want our daughter drives a sword right through my heart.

  However, I don’t go over to him and I don’t scream at him. I accept his decision because I would rather know now how he feels then take a chance of him hurting our daughter. It’s for the best that it’s over before it even began.

  I get into the car and wait until Kayla is out of the driveway to cry. I cry for my little girl. I cry for the fact that she has a father who doesn’t want her. I cry for my innocent sweet angel who will never know a father’s love. For years I wished to run into him so I could tell him he has a daughter. Well, you know what they say. Be careful what you wish for…

  While we are driving Kayla tells me it is probably best to leave Bella with Ashley for the night. It is already after two in the morning and picking her up would mean waking everybody up in the house. As much as I want Bella in my arms I agree with her, so we head to our apartment.

  We get home and I am surprised Kayla hasn’t jumped on me to tell her what happened yet. I get in the shower and let the hot water burn my skin. I grab my loofa and squirt some soap onto it. I scrub down my body wishing I could scrub away all the hurt I feel inside me right now.

  When I can’t take the pain in my chest anymore I sink down to the floor of the shower letting the water beat into the back of my skull. I close my eyes and let the tears fall as I make a new wish; to go back five hours and not see Cooper because then I can have it in my head that my daughter’s father doesn’t see her because he doesn’t know about her not because he doesn’t want her. I make a deal with myself. When I get out of the shower I am going to start fresh. Looking back its almost like I put my life on hold in hopes one day Cooper would come back. Now that I know how he feels it’s time to move forward. I refuse to be some pathetic woman who wants a man who doesn’t want her back.

  Kayla begins to knock on the door and I realize the water has gone cold. I stand up to turn the water off and get out. I look in the mirror and promise myself I will never cry over Cooper again.

  Realizing Kayla is still knocking, I yell through the door that I will be out in a second. I grab a towel, dry myself off, and then put on some comfy pajamas.

  I take several deep breaths and head out to the living room where I find my best friend sitting on the sofa with two pints of our favorite Sorbet ice cream and a bottle of sweet white wine. She hands me a spoon and pours us each a glass. Ice cream and white wine is our thing. For a second I feel like I am going to cry again but when I look at Kayla I remember that while Cooper may not want us I have a lot of people who do.

  We sit in comfortable silence eating our ice cream and sipping our wine when she finally brings the subject up. “So, what happened? You guys were practically dry humping each other in the living room before you went to the bedroom. You come out and it’s like somebody just told you there’s no Santa Claus.”

  I have to laugh at that and then I look at her and scowl, which makes her laugh. When we were nine years old I spent hours writing my letter to Santa. When Kayla came over to play one day she saw it on my desk. I asked her if she wrote her letter yet and when she said no and she isn’t going to, I asked her if she believes in Santa. Kayla told me flat out she doesn’t believe in Santa and that he is fake. It was the first and only fight we ever got into. I told her she was a liar and that I couldn’t be friends with somebody who lies. Santa was real. She told me I was acting like a baby and kept insisting there wasn’t a Santa. I went to my mom and demanded to know the truth. She admitted there was no Santa and I swear I cried for like three days.

  “Remember after my mom admitted there was no Santa what you said to me?”

  She thinks for a minute. “Yeah, I told you I wish I would have lied and said Santa was real because I hated to see you cry.”

  “Well, right now I am wishing I could have been lied to.”

  She waits for me to continue and when I don’t she prompts me. “Lied to about what?”

  I start from the beginning when we went into the room. I tell Kayla how he said he missed me and wished so many times he would have gotten my information. I tell her about us making love and how attentive and sweet he was the entire time. She laughs when I tell her how he pulled out and came in his hand because he said it wouldn’t be gentlemanly of him to knock me up.

  “Boy if he only knew that ship has already sailed! Wait, does he know about Bella?”

  I breathe in and let out a cleansing breath as I prepare to get to the hard part.

  “I never got a chance to tell him. After we got cleaned up and dressed he got all weird on me. It’s like a switch flipped in him and he went from sweet and flirty to depressed and sad. Before I could tell him about her he flat out told me he can’t… no, he won’t and doesn’t want to offer me any type of future. He said I deserve everything he can’t give me. When I asked him why, he said he doesn’t want to be a husband or a father. I didn’t even know what to say. My heart just broke thinking about one day having to tell Bella her dad isn’t around because he doesn’t want her and so I decided not to tell him. At least then I can be honest and say he doesn’t know about her. I just got up and left, and that’s when I found you and you know the rest.”

  “So he doesn’t know that Bella exists?”

  “That’s what I just said! What was I supposed to say? ‘Oh that sucks you don’t want to ever get married or have kids because surprise, you have a daughter! Umm, no. I wasn’t about to open myself or Bella up for him to tell me flat out he doesn’t want our daughter.”

  Kayla stays silent for a minute thinking. “Maybe he only said that because he doesn’t know he has a daughter. Sometimes we don’t know what we want until it’s right in front of us. Maybe if you tell him he has a daughter he will change his mind. When he said all this to you it was strictly hypothetical, right? He wasn’t actually saying he doesn’t want Bella. It’s like when you send me to the grocery store with a list and I end up picking up tons more junk food than you told me to. You don’t even know you want it and you don’t miss it because you don’t have it but once I get home and put those yummy brownies on the counter you can’t help but eat one. No, you didn’t put the brownies on the list but once it is right in front of you, you still want it, right? Maybe right now Cooper doesn’t think he wants a kid but once you show him Bella I bet he will totally want her.”

  I stare at her for a second thinking about what she just said, then bellow out a laugh so hard I can feel my stomach cramping up.

  “Did you seriously just freaking compare my daughter to a brownie? We are talking about a living, breathing, innocent tiny human being; not a piece of chocolate!”

  Kayla starts laughing as well and then gets serious. “Well, she is as sweet as a brownie and once you get to know her you are addicted.”

  And this is why Kayla is my best friend. She knows just what to say.

  Chapter Nine

  Cooper

  It’s two in the afternoon and I feel like I am going to die. After Liz left last night I tried my hardest to forget about her but I should know by now that girl is unforgettable. As proof, several hours and a bottle of Jack later not only did I not forget about her but I couldn’t take my mind off of her.

  At one point my drunken ass wanted to go after her but Bentley t
old me to leave it be until I was sober. Being drunk and trying to talk to her would not help the matter. I finally passed out in Kaden’s guestroom to the smell of Liz all over the bed.

  Now I am in the gym fighting against Bentley and I am pretty sure that I am sweating out the entire bottle of Jack through my pores. My head is pounding and I feel like I am going to throw up.

  “So now that you are sober what do you plan to do about Liz?” Bentley asks while throwing a punch to my stomach.

  I dodge the punch and am relieved. If he had connected I probably would have thrown up all over the ring. I stop fighting and bend over panting like I haven’t worked out in years and he walks over to me and punches me in the arm while chuckling at my pain.

  “There is nothing to do. For one, nothing has changed from last night to today. She deserves to be with a man who can one day marry her and gives her kids. I don’t think I can be that man. I would never want her to go through what my parents have gone through. And two, even if I wanted to take back what I said it wouldn’t matter because I didn’t get any of her information. I wouldn’t even know how to contact her.”

  Bentley looks like he’s going to give me another one of his lectures but changes his mind. “You are aware her best friend works at this gym, right? And even if she didn’t, I got Kayla’s number last night.”

  I shoot my head up. Shit, this is a game changer. How will I ever be able to stay away from her knowing I have access to her? It was easier when I thought by not having her information made the choice for me. Now, knowing I can get ahold of her easily makes me second-guess everything.

  Of course my dad decides to come over at this moment and by the look on his face I can tell he overheard our conversation.

  “Bentley, if you want to stay training at this gym I suggest you make choices that help Liam and not hurt him. I would recommend you throw that number away and both of you focus on what’s important. First, he points to me. “You have a title fight in six months that you need to be training for.”