Before I Die Read online

  “You can wear whatever the hell you want. My family owns the casino.”

  “I know, but…” I trail off, not wanting to finish my thought and sound stupid.

  “But what?”

  I let out an audible huff. “I always imagined playing cards at a casino while wearing a sexy dress and heels.”

  Ethan’s lips fight a smirk.

  “Oh, c’mon, surely, you’ve seen the movies. Julia Roberts in Ocean’s Eleven… Eve Green in Casino Royale…”

  Ethan’s smirk widens into a grin.

  “Even Kate Bosworth in 21 wears a sexy black dress.”

  “C’mon,” Ethan says, tugging on my hand.

  We end up in a small boutique that’s tucked away in the corner of the hotel. The moment the saleswoman spots Ethan, her eyes widen. After situating her top so her boobs are popping out, she saunters over to us. Only Ethan pays her no mind, which secretly makes me giddy.

  “Try this on,” he says, grabbing a gorgeous white dress and handing it to me.

  “What about black?”

  “You look better in white.”

  I try on the dress and it fits perfectly. It’s tight in all the right places, showing off my curves and breasts. It’s low cut up top and short, teetering on the edge of sexy and trashy.

  I step out and Ethan is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his broad chest, a pair of red stilettos dangling from his fingers.

  “Fuck me,” he breathes, raking his gaze from my head to my toes. “Put these on.” He extends his hand and I take the heels from him.

  Just like the dress, they fit perfectly.

  “You sure I shouldn’t wear black?” I question, as I look at myself in the mirror. Ethan steps up behind me, placing his hands on my hips. I take a moment to assess the two of us and almost laugh at what a contradiction we are. Where I’m light, he’s dark. I’m blushing and smiling and he’s smoldering and broody. But unlike before, in these clothes, we look like we actually go together.

  “You look gorgeous,” he murmurs, brushing my thick mane to the side and placing an open-mouthed kiss to the side of my neck. “Like a goddamn angel sent straight from heaven.”

  “I thought you don’t believe in God.”

  Ethan freezes the same way he did when I asked him about his tattoo, and I regret my words, scared he’s going to run like he did before. But instead, he ignores my comment and twirls me in a half-circle. His hands cup the sides of my face and his mouth descends on mine. He kisses me deeply for several seconds before he pulls back. “Let’s go play some Blackjack.”

  Ethan

  I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. Every decision, every move I make is always calculated. Done with a purpose. But since Nevaeh has fallen into my life, I’m not thinking at all. Her innocence is disarming and has me stumbling around trying to figure out which way is up. She’s gorgeous and sweet and so damn sexy, and the worst part is she genuinely has no idea.

  I tried to stay away. Really fucking hard. And it was working… until my father showed up with my goddamn mother. The woman who hasn’t been a part of my life in twelve years. My thoughts go back to earlier in my dad’s office.

  “How could you do this?” I slam the door closed behind us.

  “I know what it looks like,” my father says.

  “It looks like you’ve taken back the woman who walked out the door without looking back. The woman you loved and fucked you over. The same woman who was supposed to be my mom and chose to leave.”

  “I was in the Dominican Republic, visiting your grandmother, when I ran into your mother at an art show your grandmother made me bring her to. Did you know your mother bought a small cottage on the water and has spent the last several years selling her art to the locals and tourists?”

  “I don’t give a fuck what she’s been doing. I can tell you what she wasn’t doing… being a wife and mom.”

  “We were never divorced,” Dad says.

  “The fuck?”

  “She never filed them. She always loved us, but she couldn’t live the life we were living. We spent the last several weeks reconnecting. Talking about everything.”

  Dad gives me a pleading look, one I’ve never seen before, as if he’s begging me to understand. “I miss her, Ethan. I love her, and I want her back.”

  I want to yell and scream and throw shit, but the vulnerable look on his face has me stopping in my tracks. “Nothing’s changed,” I point out. I don’t have to explain further for him to know what I’m referring to. His business. Our business. No, we don’t sell drugs anymore, but there’s still the alcohol and weapons and illegal gambling.

  “Actually everything’s changed,” he says. “I’ve been working on it while I was away.” He drops into his chair and hands me a cigar before lighting his own.

  “I never should’ve let her go, but I was so money driven,” he admits.

  “You didn’t let her go. She ran.” Just like… Fuck, I can’t go there.

  “With reason. Look what my business did to you, to your life.”

  “So what now?” I ask, changing the subject. Dad gives me a knowing look but lets it go.

  “Now, I work on making the casinos legit. I’m going to lose a hell of a lot of money, but the hotels and casinos are profitable.”

  “The gambling?”

  He shrugs nonchalantly. “I’ll keep the underground casinos. They aren’t hurting anyone.”

  I smirk. There’s the dad I know. At least he hasn’t completely lost his mind.

  “Now tell me about this woman.”

  I gave him a brief recap of what’s happened, and of course he pointed out Logan has always been shady as fuck. He told me as long as I can be civil to my mom, Nevaeh and I could stay while I figure shit out, and if I needed anything to let him know. I wish I could be as forgiving as my dad, but I’m just not there yet. So, knowing my mom was walking around the house, and afraid I would have to talk to her, I hid out in Nevaeh’s room, working on my laptop and keeping an eye on her while she slept.

  When she woke up, with her luscious lips all plump and her thick hair all over the place from sleep, begging me to take her with me, I should’ve told her no, but the way she looked at me, with her innocent, pleading, fucking eyes, I never stood a chance.

  I knew why she wanted to go—her list. What I didn’t expect, though, was for her to end up spread open on the table while I brought her to another orgasm. I couldn’t even tell you how the hell it happened. One minute I was explaining to her how the casino works and the next I was making her come on my fingers.

  “Wow,” Nevaeh says, pulling me from my thoughts. “This place is gorgeous.”

  While she was getting changed into a sexy white dress that shows off all of her amazing assets, I contacted Rosco and told him my plan. I’m sure he thought I’ve lost my head, and he isn’t wrong, but he told me he would handle it.

  “This is the high roller’s room,” I explain. It’s also where all the underground, off-the-books games are played.

  We head straight over to the table where Rosco told me everything is set up, and Nevaeh and I both have a seat. The dealer greets us and gives me a slight nod, letting me know he understands what he is to do, as the barely-dressed cocktail waitress saunters over and asks us what we would like to drink.

  “Umm… I don’t have any money on me,” Nevaeh says.

  “Drinks are free when you play,” the waitress tells her.

  “Oh, well, I’m not playing. I’m just learning.”

  So. Fucking. Innocent.

  “I’ll take a Macallan neat, and she’ll take a blueberry martini.”

  “Thank you,” Nevaeh says to me with a soft smile that has my insides tightening.

  “All right, Blackjack,” I say, clearing my throat.

  I run through the basics of how to play and Nevaeh follows along, asking questions. When she tells me she thinks she understands, I hand her a stack of black chips, each worth one hundred dollars.

&nb
sp; “Place your bets,” the dealer says. He’s not running the table how he normally would since he’s been told not to. This game is just for Nevaeh.

  When I grab five chips and place them in the betting area, Nevaeh copies me.

  The dealer deals, and I take a look at my cards and then Nevaeh’s. I have a two of clubs and a seven of hearts, and Nevaeh has a ten and a five of clubs. The card we can see from the dealer is a queen of diamonds. He peeks to make sure he doesn’t have Blackjack, and when he continues, I know he doesn’t. I explain what he just did to Nevaeh and she nods.

  I tap my finger on the table, signaling for the dealer to hit me, and he hands me a nine of clubs, putting me at eighteen.

  “Umm…” Nevaeh chews on her bottom lip.

  “Remember, the goal is to get as close to twenty-one as possible without going over.”

  “Right, hit me,” she says. “Wait! I mean…” She taps her fingers on the table, remembering what I told her about using the hand signal. The dealer hands her a card, and with what she already has, she has twenty-one. When she adds them up, she squeals in excitement, and the dealer and I both have to force ourselves not to laugh. The waitress hands us our drinks, but Nevaeh doesn’t notice. She’s too excited at the possibility of winning.

  “Do I say it?” she asks me.

  “Say what?” I play stupid.

  “I have twenty-one.”

  The dealer turns over his other card, showing he has nineteen.

  “You win,” I tell her, and she squeals in delight again.

  The dealer counts her winnings, which is one and half times her bet, and slides the chips over to her.

  “Thank you!” Nevaeh says with a giggle. “How much are these worth?”

  “A hundred… each.”

  “What?” Her head swings over to look at me. “You let me bet five hundred dollars? What if I had lost?”

  She glances at my smaller stack of chips. “You lost five hundred dollars?”

  I laugh at how adorable she is. The dress she’s wearing is worth five times that. “I’ll live,” I deadpan.

  The dealer takes our cards and then deals again.

  We go through this several times, and each time Nevaeh wins. We play until I run out of chips and she has all of them. I was afraid she would catch on, but she’s too excited to question anything.

  “That was a lot of fun,” she says after the last game. “What now?”

  “Now you grab your chips and cash out.”

  Her eyes bulge at the tall stack in front of her. Once she learned a chip was worth a hundred, she refused to bet more than a chip or two every game. So in the end, she’s only won a few grand.

  “I can’t take these,” she says with a shake of her head, as I take the chips and walk with her over to the window to cash out.

  “You won.”

  “But I didn’t really pay for the chips,” she points out. “It was just for fun.”

  In the past, I’ve brought women to the casino on dates before bringing them back to my place to fuck them. They never have a problem taking my money. Most of them even ask for it. The second they learn what my last name is, they expect it. But not Nevaeh. She’s honest to a fault.

  Ignoring her rationalization, I take the money from the cashier and hand it to her. “It’s yours. You won it.” And for some reason, knowing she has some cash makes me feel better.

  “Fine.” She sighs. “But I don’t have any pockets. Can you hold it for me?”

  “Sure.” I fold the bills and put them in my pocket. “You ready to get out of here?”

  “Okay.”

  Threading her fingers through mine, I guide her back upstairs. When we step outside, the warm breeze whips her hair around her face, and she smiles. “I love the smell of the beach.” She looks so happy and carefree, the complete contrast to how she’s looked the last week. Not that I could blame her. Her brother was killed and she was kidnapped.

  An idea forms. “C’mon.” I tug her hand, forgetting the valet.

  “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.”

  The sun has gone down, leaving us in the dark, but the sidewalk that takes us from the hotel to the boardwalk is dimly lit. I can’t see Nevaeh well, but I can feel her hand tremble. It’s warm outside, but with the breeze coming in from the ocean, it’s still chilly. Unbuttoning my suit jacket, I shrug out of it and stop so I can place it on her shoulders.

  “Thank you,” she says with a smile.

  We continue our walk, until we reach the end. One of the great things about the hotel is that it backs up to the boardwalk and ocean. I watch Nevaeh as she glances around, wide-eyed, taking it all in. There are several restaurants lining the edges. Rides, for both adults and kids, all sorts of games, and there’s even a huge Ferris wheel. I haven’t been here in years. Since…

  “I’ve heard about this place, but I’ve never been here,” Nevaeh says.

  “You hungry?” I ask, focusing my attention on her, while trying to push the past aside.

  “Yes!” she groans.

  We spend the next couple hours on the boardwalk, eating and playing several games. Nevaeh says she’s not dressed to go on the rides, but before we leave, I convince her to at least ride the Ferris wheel.

  “In the romance books I read, the guy always kisses the girl at the top of the Ferris wheel,” she says with a laugh. “But it’s usually the one that’s open.”

  We’re sitting next to each other in the temperature-controlled gondola. The walls are glass, giving us an aerial view, and I paid the guy extra not to put us with anyone else. Nevaeh is sitting next to me, and we’re holding hands. I’ve given up on questioning what I’m doing at this point, and just simply enjoying her company.

  Nevaeh turns to look at me, and when her lips curve into a beautiful smile, I have no choice but to lean in and kiss her. Her body sinks into mine, and her arms wrap around my neck. The kiss starts out slow and gentle, until Nevaeh takes over, her tongue delving into my mouth. She climbs onto my lap, and we continue to kiss, our tongues now moving frantically against each other.

  Until my phone rings. The noise seems to clear the fog from her brain, and she scrambles off me.

  “Sorry,” she breathes. “I think I…kind of attacked you.”

  My phone rings again, so I pull it out of my pocket and, seeing it’s my dad, answer it. “Yeah.”

  “One of my guys spotted Logan at the hotel.”

  After I told my dad about Nevaeh, he said he would tell his men to keep an eye out for him.

  “Thanks.”

  We hang up, and when I glance over at Nevaeh. She’s looking at me with wide eyes. She must’ve heard what he said through the phone.

  “He’s here?” she asks, her voice shaky.

  “He’s never going to get to you,” I tell her, pulling her into my side. “I won’t let it happen.”

  After we exit the Ferris wheel, since the mood has been ruined by Logan, we decide to call it a night. The entire walk back to the hotel, Nevaeh holds my hand tightly. I texted Rosco to meet us, so he’s walking behind us up the sidewalk. After the valet brings my car around, we head home.

  As we pull into the gated neighborhood, I get a text from Rosco letting me know we’re being followed. I consider driving elsewhere, but it’s pointless. I knew it was only a matter of time until Logan found us. It doesn’t matter that he knows where we’re staying, he’ll never get close enough to Nevaeh to ever touch her, let alone take her. I text him back that I want round-the-clock guards on the house, and he tells me he’ll handle it.

  We pull into the driveway, and I press the button to raise the garage door. Once we’re in, I lower it.

  “I saw him behind us,” Nevaeh says.

  “Yeah. I’m going to go outside to talk to him.”

  “What if he shoots you?” she asks, her eyes filling with tears.

  “He wouldn’t be that stupid. Go inside and shower, and I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

  I ca
n tell she wants to argue, but she nods. Once I see she’s safely inside with my parents, I head around the front to meet with Logan.

  “Thought maybe you dropped off the face of the earth.” I step up to him, my fists clenched at my sides. I would like nothing more than to deck him in the face, but hitting him won’t get me anywhere. I need to be smart about this. “I’ve been looking for you.”

  “I’ve been hiding, trying to figure shit out,” Logan says. His eyes meet mine and it’s then I notice they’re bloodshot like he’s on something.

  “Trying to figure what out?” I ask carefully, trying to make it sound like I give a shit about him.

  “I-I need her, man,” he stammers, glancing around me at the house. “Felix found me, and this guy… he doesn’t fuck around, E. He’s going to kill me and then he’ll come after her.”

  “Who’s Felix?”

  “The guy I was telling you about before. He runs a sex trafficking operation up and down the eastern coast.”

  “The guy you’ve been working with?”

  Logan nods, his entire body shaking from whatever he’s on. “I didn’t plan for this shit to happen. It was only a couple times. I owed him some money, a deal gone bad, and he told me I could pay him… And then that fucking cop found out and…” He stops talking and his eyes widen, as if his brain is finally catching up to his mouth, and he realizes he’s oversharing.

  And now it all makes sense. Why Stephen was blackmailing Logan. It wasn’t because of my underground fights, or because of the gambling. He found out Logan was selling women to Felix and he wasn’t going to let it continue. So, Logan put a bullet through his chest.

  “Look, man, we go back to elementary school, and that broad”—he points to the house—“she’s fucking nothing to you. Just hand her over and everything will go back to the way it was.” He raises his hand to scrub the side of his face and I notice his hands are trembling. The guy is high as a damn kite. There’s no getting any information out of him. He’s not thinking clearly. In all the years we’ve been friends, I’ve never seen Logan such a mess.

  “I can’t do that,” I tell him simply. “We might go way back, but you went behind my back. You lied to my face over and over again. You put my business at risk. You killed a man to cover your shit. You and me, we’re done.” I take a step back, done with this conversation. Logan is high and desperate, and whatever he says will only be half-truths. I now know more than ever Nevaeh needs to stay right where she is, because the second she’s not protected, Logan is going to swoop in and take her.